Valentines Day

This is Leah:
Perhaps I should start by saying Happy Valentines day to you all! I look back a year ago today and I am amazed at all that has happened.
I have been asked what I need prayer for at times by friends and family. Often people want to pray for the souls and for the ministry we are working with. These things are all wonderful and good. But prayer for our hearts sometimes is more important. There are times here in Thailand I have experienced an almost overwhelming loneliness and loss. I will be honest and open even if there are some who do not want to think of their missionaries in such a light. There have been days I could not get up, for f feeling the deep want for my family. When you leave behind your friends you leave behind a part of your heart. It was like morning for the loss of a loved one. I could not just hop back on a plane or get in a car ride to see them. On evenings when the phones would not work or the internet would fail I would want to curl up in my bed and not get out. Drew can tell you the many times he had to pull me up and read to me God's promises to encourage me. Did I stop living? Did I stop reaching out? No. I have never stopped.
Before I left for Thailand I was discouraged by a friend who I had put deep trust in. I was told I was not good enough and that we were cowards and that we would fail. In my heart I had a steady calm. A knowing that we needed to go. I have not regreated that choice for one day. It has not been the picture perfect experience. Hundreads of souls have not gotten saved. Churchs have not been planted. But are we still doing God's work? Every time I get up. Are we honoring God? As best we can! Are we missionaries? Yes. I have never stopped knowing that from the beginning. It does not matter what man may say about it. I know I am following God, loneliness and all. And I know he is bringing us through.
Around a year ago Drew and I went through a very hard struggle. I will not go into all the details, but it was a very hard day. This year as it rolled around I almost did not want to celebrate Valentines day remembering the hurts caused by others. But God told me in my heart I needed to focuse on him and not on my pain. That would only bring bitterness. However, we were invited out to a family from our church. Their son had been in the hospital for over two weeks and was finally home! They were so welcoming and happy we all could come. We had an outside barbecue with reed mats and fires and got to talk about the Lord. It may not be a romantic candle light meal for just the two of us, but it was wonderful to build relationships with these sweet friends. When Drew and I returned home we both said it was one of the best Valentines days. Gods Love is so great. I have learned this year that I can forgive past hurts. That I can move on from loneliness and put my heart and focus back on God were it belongs.
When you pray for your missionaries, yes, pray for souls and pray for ministry. But Pray for your missionaries hearts and struggles. They get lonely, they have hard days, and they cry just like you do. Its just in a different country. Pray for those things because they are just as important for God's work.
Leah Marie Kilcup